I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
