..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
