Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
