yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
