god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
