Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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