But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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