We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
