Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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