Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
