i barfeds in our rink
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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