If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
