Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
