i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's never too late to be topless.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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