i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
