I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
