I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize