Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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