im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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