I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize