she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We need to rekindle our bromance
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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