nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
