i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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