I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
