Ambien. No doubt about it.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
