oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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