Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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