I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this boner is exhausting
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
