could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize