i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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