just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
