In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
