I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
where are my eyebrows?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
