i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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