He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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