Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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