Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
