Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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