Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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