You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
