I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
