you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
