Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
4 words: hood of his car
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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