he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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