I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
