We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A+ Viking dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
