i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
