dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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