I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize