Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
