You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
