put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
