So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
