No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
