haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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