His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
