It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
