I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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