I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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