Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
