Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
