Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Someone shattered a urinal.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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