Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
