Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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