This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
