i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
