is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
