just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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