I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
