I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
