She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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